Laughter, Tears, and Grandma
Christmas has come and gone... the new year is upon us in just a few short days. This past week has brought both laughter and tears our way. We laughed when my grandmother started reciting an old poem from her memory, out of nowhere. She even spoke using intonation and a little girl voice, so innocent from years gone by. She isn't the same at 92, let's face it, she isn't the same from just a week ago. I see my grandmother in front of me, but I know that inside she has changed. She speaks about seeing my grandfather soon and she keeps passing out jewelry to her grandchildren and great-grandchildren. We take the pieces and we cherish them, just as she has done her whole life. This is why we laugh through the tears, she is letting go, hoping that we too will be able to send her on her way. I don't know if I am ready, but my prayers keep me safe at night and give me hope that acceptance will come.
My girls laugh when grandma talks about her youth. It is hard to believe that she lived through 2 world wars and a multitude of other events. Things my girls and I have only learned about in books. While we were waiting for Santa to come, she told us that women are always waiting. Women sit and wait while the men are away at war. We will never know if she is in our moment or in hers, so we go along for the ride. And oh what a ride this is!
I love her to pieces and I fear that every passing day might be her last one with us. Did I do everything I needed to do for her? Have I told her that I love her? I do, I do love her so very much. Getting old has changed her, but inside I know my grandma is there. We just have to look past the tears, the laughter, and the fear to see Grandma.
My girls laugh when grandma talks about her youth. It is hard to believe that she lived through 2 world wars and a multitude of other events. Things my girls and I have only learned about in books. While we were waiting for Santa to come, she told us that women are always waiting. Women sit and wait while the men are away at war. We will never know if she is in our moment or in hers, so we go along for the ride. And oh what a ride this is!
I love her to pieces and I fear that every passing day might be her last one with us. Did I do everything I needed to do for her? Have I told her that I love her? I do, I do love her so very much. Getting old has changed her, but inside I know my grandma is there. We just have to look past the tears, the laughter, and the fear to see Grandma.
Hold Them Close
Tonight we are saddened by the events that took place today. Although my Big Miss is still not home for winter break, I am holding her virtually in my arms. My Little Miss (in all of her 17 year cuteness) is here in my arms just sitting and thinking. We pray for those little munchkins who left us too soon, but are now angels among us.
Dancing, Driving, and Daughters
Dancing:
As you have read in earlier posts this week, I had the pleasure of taking my youngest to her first college dance auditions this week. FSU on Wednesday, USF today. The jury is still out on whether or not she will make the programs, but the experience was worth it (my words, not hers). She didn't like the program at FSU, not the college, just the program. Her personality doesn't seem like it would be a good fit for what they portray dancers to be in their program. It was more about who you know, which is always a hard lesson for our kids, but a lesson, nonetheless. It is a shame because she really wanted to go to FSU, but it doesn't look like she will choose their program if she is in fact chosen. USF, not a contender, until today. She loved it, go figure. They actually let us watch the group auditions, so I was in dance mom heaven. She felt at home (I hate that phrase, I want her at my home, forever) and I guess that is what we want for our babies, to feel at home when they are not home... Oh, I don't know, that sounds stupid, but it's a fact. Home away from home. We still have more auditions to go, so let's see where God places her.
Driving:
I drove, the whole time, listening to ONE DIRECTION. What is a 17 year old doing obsessing over a boy band for goodness sakes? I now know all the words to every single one of their songs and I think she thinks she is marrying Niall, but we haven't told him yet. If that's the case, she should let him know, maybe he can drive her to the next round of auditions. Maybe she won't have to go to college, he will just pay for her to dance on stage while he sings. He might even be able to get her to learn how to drive and get her license so I can hang up my taxi sign forever.
Daughters:
I loved spending this week with her, it was amazing. We laughed, we cried, we fought (of course we fought, it wouldn't be a mother/daughter trip without a good fight) and she told me some of her secrets. She thinks they were secrets, so we will just go with that... We spent time with Big Miss on Sunday before we journeyed to auditions so I had a double dose of daughters this week, it was a good week. I also got to see my goddaughter for the first time in 5 years, she was auditioning at both schools too and we didn't even know! They had a great time with each other and are already planning to be roommates should they choose the same school.
This was a great week, I hope our drive home tomorrow is quick. At least I will have One Direction to keep me company!
As you have read in earlier posts this week, I had the pleasure of taking my youngest to her first college dance auditions this week. FSU on Wednesday, USF today. The jury is still out on whether or not she will make the programs, but the experience was worth it (my words, not hers). She didn't like the program at FSU, not the college, just the program. Her personality doesn't seem like it would be a good fit for what they portray dancers to be in their program. It was more about who you know, which is always a hard lesson for our kids, but a lesson, nonetheless. It is a shame because she really wanted to go to FSU, but it doesn't look like she will choose their program if she is in fact chosen. USF, not a contender, until today. She loved it, go figure. They actually let us watch the group auditions, so I was in dance mom heaven. She felt at home (I hate that phrase, I want her at my home, forever) and I guess that is what we want for our babies, to feel at home when they are not home... Oh, I don't know, that sounds stupid, but it's a fact. Home away from home. We still have more auditions to go, so let's see where God places her.
Driving:
I drove, the whole time, listening to ONE DIRECTION. What is a 17 year old doing obsessing over a boy band for goodness sakes? I now know all the words to every single one of their songs and I think she thinks she is marrying Niall, but we haven't told him yet. If that's the case, she should let him know, maybe he can drive her to the next round of auditions. Maybe she won't have to go to college, he will just pay for her to dance on stage while he sings. He might even be able to get her to learn how to drive and get her license so I can hang up my taxi sign forever.
Daughters:
I loved spending this week with her, it was amazing. We laughed, we cried, we fought (of course we fought, it wouldn't be a mother/daughter trip without a good fight) and she told me some of her secrets. She thinks they were secrets, so we will just go with that... We spent time with Big Miss on Sunday before we journeyed to auditions so I had a double dose of daughters this week, it was a good week. I also got to see my goddaughter for the first time in 5 years, she was auditioning at both schools too and we didn't even know! They had a great time with each other and are already planning to be roommates should they choose the same school.
This was a great week, I hope our drive home tomorrow is quick. At least I will have One Direction to keep me company!
Driving Through Town and Fighting for Freedom
Yesterday Little Miss and I started our road trip by stopping in Orlando for the night. We met Big Miss for dinner to celebrate her 20th birthday, met her boyfriend (CUTE), and just hang out. All was perfect and then Big Miss got home to her apartment with the roommates from hell. This is going to be a doozie, so please hang in there.
Big Miss has two roommates who started off being her friend and then as the rule of three goes, she was thrown to the curb. She is very mature for her age and doesn't feed into drama like most girls do, so that becomes a problem with other girls. They try to get her to gossip and fight and all that other crap, but she doesn't do it. She has already lived on her own for a year, these girls stayed home their first 2 years and moved out for their junior/senior years. That being said, they still live as if mommy and daddy are home with them and try to parent my child, often.
Imagine coming home to post-it notes on the AC because you have lowered it when you had a fever the night before, but the post-it note states in order to save electricity you can't do this. Or.... you press a sandwich in the George Forman grill and don't clean it to someone else's expectations, so a post-it note states you need to do a better job (then the grill is removed from the kitchen and hidden so you can't use it). Then you don't place the sponge in the sponge holder and someone tells you that it HAS to go back into the holder because that is the way it was done in their house. You get the point.
Last night after dinner, she comes home to one of the mother of one of them who drove all the way here to make sure her daughter gets some rest because my daughter is keeping them up all night with the her study groups, her boyfriend, flushing the toilet, brushing her hair, and breathing. This woman screamed at my daughter at 1 a.m. and followed her around the apartment while my daughter was trying to escape. She didn't call me because she was afraid I would leave my hotel and start a fight. I can tell you that she was right! So, my daughter slept downstairs in her boyfriend's apartment (some battles are not the point right now, lol). Well, she didn't sleep, she cried all night and then went to work at 6 this morning.
Needless to say, I spoke to said mother and she wouldn't let me get a word in edgewise, so I ended up losing my cool and yelled and then called her a name and then told her that the apple didn't fall far from the tree and she should be proud of raising a (same name) and then I hung up on her. I was wrong, but it felt so good. I also told her that my daughter will be moving out, along with the 4th girl that they treat like crap, so good luck and good riddance. This news scared the lady because I also said I hope the 2 new roommates aren't serial killers. She said that wasn't necessary, she didn't want anyone to move. Oh, well too little too late.
So that is my awful story about the beginning of what is supposed to be a perfect dancing audition trip. What would you do?
Big Miss has two roommates who started off being her friend and then as the rule of three goes, she was thrown to the curb. She is very mature for her age and doesn't feed into drama like most girls do, so that becomes a problem with other girls. They try to get her to gossip and fight and all that other crap, but she doesn't do it. She has already lived on her own for a year, these girls stayed home their first 2 years and moved out for their junior/senior years. That being said, they still live as if mommy and daddy are home with them and try to parent my child, often.
Imagine coming home to post-it notes on the AC because you have lowered it when you had a fever the night before, but the post-it note states in order to save electricity you can't do this. Or.... you press a sandwich in the George Forman grill and don't clean it to someone else's expectations, so a post-it note states you need to do a better job (then the grill is removed from the kitchen and hidden so you can't use it). Then you don't place the sponge in the sponge holder and someone tells you that it HAS to go back into the holder because that is the way it was done in their house. You get the point.
Last night after dinner, she comes home to one of the mother of one of them who drove all the way here to make sure her daughter gets some rest because my daughter is keeping them up all night with the her study groups, her boyfriend, flushing the toilet, brushing her hair, and breathing. This woman screamed at my daughter at 1 a.m. and followed her around the apartment while my daughter was trying to escape. She didn't call me because she was afraid I would leave my hotel and start a fight. I can tell you that she was right! So, my daughter slept downstairs in her boyfriend's apartment (some battles are not the point right now, lol). Well, she didn't sleep, she cried all night and then went to work at 6 this morning.
Needless to say, I spoke to said mother and she wouldn't let me get a word in edgewise, so I ended up losing my cool and yelled and then called her a name and then told her that the apple didn't fall far from the tree and she should be proud of raising a (same name) and then I hung up on her. I was wrong, but it felt so good. I also told her that my daughter will be moving out, along with the 4th girl that they treat like crap, so good luck and good riddance. This news scared the lady because I also said I hope the 2 new roommates aren't serial killers. She said that wasn't necessary, she didn't want anyone to move. Oh, well too little too late.
So that is my awful story about the beginning of what is supposed to be a perfect dancing audition trip. What would you do?
Auditions Are Here
How has all of this time gone by? I haven't posted since September! What a bad blogger (busy is more like it).
I am sitting in the first of our hotels this week, as I am driving my youngest across Florida for her dance auditions at 2 colleges. The timing of the auditions fall at opposite ends of this week, so we had to take the whole week off (can you hear my sadness) from school. My principal is awesome and sent me off with her blessing and said "family first, Janine!". So our journey began this morning and we stopped in Orlando. We get to meet the "boy" who has stolen my oldest daughter's heart tonight, so that should make for a sweet dinner. We will also be celebrating an early 20th birthday (not mine, hers, but I know you were thinking I was a child bride), which is bittersweet, to say the least.
Tomorrow we are off to Tally for audition number one on Tuesday and then off to Tampa for audition number two on Friday. So please keep us in your prayers and I will try to post throughout the week as it might be the only way for me to keep the tears at bay. My babies are moving on and I am standing still at the side of the road watching them. It is not easy now, it won't be easy later, it may never be easy again.
I am sitting in the first of our hotels this week, as I am driving my youngest across Florida for her dance auditions at 2 colleges. The timing of the auditions fall at opposite ends of this week, so we had to take the whole week off (can you hear my sadness) from school. My principal is awesome and sent me off with her blessing and said "family first, Janine!". So our journey began this morning and we stopped in Orlando. We get to meet the "boy" who has stolen my oldest daughter's heart tonight, so that should make for a sweet dinner. We will also be celebrating an early 20th birthday (not mine, hers, but I know you were thinking I was a child bride), which is bittersweet, to say the least.
Tomorrow we are off to Tally for audition number one on Tuesday and then off to Tampa for audition number two on Friday. So please keep us in your prayers and I will try to post throughout the week as it might be the only way for me to keep the tears at bay. My babies are moving on and I am standing still at the side of the road watching them. It is not easy now, it won't be easy later, it may never be easy again.
It's Official
Throughout the years as a mom, I have heard the phrase "it's official" for many different reasons. From being chosen for the part in the school play to graduating with top honors and everything in between. The only time that phrase tears at my heart and makes me worry for days on end is when my beautiful daughters say "it's official, I have a boyfriend". Now, my youngest has never said this, even though she is 17, because she doesn't give her heart away very easily. My oldest, however, has...more than once...and this time she is away at college living in an apartment and has made it official with the boy man downstairs.
I tried, I really tried to sound enthusiastic, but she heard it in my voice. She heard the worry and the not so sure feeling of mom in a panic. So she texted me and asked if I was happy for her. Well, that hit me where it hurts because I am happy, of course I relish in the happiness of my children. I assured her that I was happy and then went on the mom rant of be safe, school and work come first, make sure he respects your decisions, etc. etc. etc. When what I really wanted to say was "DO NOT HAVE SEX". Yes that is the gist of it, I can't even fathom, nor do I want to.
I know you understand, I know you feel my pain. I want my 3 year old ballerina back, now. Long gone are the days of worrying about scraped knees and mean girls. Worrying about sex and all the crap that comes along with it, I'm not ready. If I'm not ready, is she?
I tried, I really tried to sound enthusiastic, but she heard it in my voice. She heard the worry and the not so sure feeling of mom in a panic. So she texted me and asked if I was happy for her. Well, that hit me where it hurts because I am happy, of course I relish in the happiness of my children. I assured her that I was happy and then went on the mom rant of be safe, school and work come first, make sure he respects your decisions, etc. etc. etc. When what I really wanted to say was "DO NOT HAVE SEX". Yes that is the gist of it, I can't even fathom, nor do I want to.
I know you understand, I know you feel my pain. I want my 3 year old ballerina back, now. Long gone are the days of worrying about scraped knees and mean girls. Worrying about sex and all the crap that comes along with it, I'm not ready. If I'm not ready, is she?
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