On Losing Grandma

Grandma is gone.  There are no words to express how I feel, but I can hold on to her by sharing some of her life here on my little blog.  Grandma was born in 1920 and from the first day of her life, she fought to be heard.  It was ironic that in the past few years, her hearing was failing.  We would laugh and say she didn't have to hear what we have to say anyway, it was always her way and that was it.  She would go against the norm in every way and spoke her mind, no matter what.  She beat uterine cancer and within this past month, she survived a fall and hip surgery.  She passed away and fought till the end, but this was a fight where God would win and we would have to let her go.
She was the last of her generation.  My mother's generation is now in charge of our family and my poor mom doesn't even know how to fill the void that is left by her mommy.  The truth behind why my grandma is no longer with us will eventually come out, so I ask for your continued prayers because we have a long road of fighting ahead of us.  It seems that grandma is still fighting through us and we will try to win this one for her.  Her death will not be in vain.
I said a few words at the cemetery, so I leave you with my thoughts.

My dear grandma,

I can't believe you are gone.

As much as I prepared for this day, 

I thought you would live forever.

You fought so hard for everything.

I wish you had won this last fight.

You were a woman before her time and your legacy

lives on through the grandchildren and

great grandchildren you have left behind.  We will

try to take over where you left off, but nobody 

will ever fill your determined shoes.

I love you today, tomorrow, and always.

Grandma is...

My grandmother has taken a turn for the worse and the doctors say it is a matter of time.  She has lived the best 92 years anyone could imagine and if the time is near, then let it be.  God knows when He needs us and even though she will be missed, she will be at peace.  I will be back to blogging as soon as I can, but for now, please send up some prayers for grandma and a little extra prayer for my family.

Laughter, Tears, and Grandma

Christmas has come and gone... the new year is upon us in just a few short days.  This past week has brought both laughter and tears our way.  We laughed when my grandmother started reciting an old poem from her memory, out of nowhere.  She even spoke using intonation and a little girl voice, so innocent from years gone by.  She isn't the same at 92, let's face it, she isn't the same from just a week ago.  I see my grandmother in front of me, but I know that inside she has changed.  She speaks about seeing my grandfather soon and she keeps passing out jewelry to her grandchildren and great-grandchildren.  We take the pieces and we cherish them, just as she has done her whole life.  This is why we laugh through the tears, she is letting go, hoping that we too will be able to send her on her way.  I don't know if I am ready, but my prayers keep me safe at night and give me hope that acceptance will come.

My girls laugh when grandma talks about her youth.  It is hard to believe that she lived through 2 world wars and a  multitude of other events.  Things my girls and I have only learned about in books.  While we were waiting for Santa to come, she told us that women are always waiting.  Women sit and wait while the men are away at war.  We will never know if she is in our moment or in hers, so we go along for the ride.  And oh what a ride this is!

I love her to pieces and I fear that every passing day might be her last one with us.  Did I do everything I needed to do for her?  Have I told her that I love her?  I do, I do love her so very much.  Getting old has changed her, but inside I know my grandma is there.  We just have to look past the tears, the laughter, and the fear to see Grandma.