Driving Through Town and Fighting for Freedom

Yesterday Little Miss and I started our road trip by stopping in Orlando for the night.  We met Big Miss for dinner to celebrate her 20th birthday, met her boyfriend (CUTE), and just hang out.  All was perfect and then Big Miss got home to her apartment with the roommates from hell.  This is going to be a doozie, so please hang in there.

Big Miss has two roommates who started off being her friend and then as the rule of three goes, she was thrown to the curb.  She is very mature for her age and doesn't feed into drama like most girls do, so that becomes a problem with other girls.  They try to get her to gossip and fight and all that other crap, but she doesn't do it.  She has already lived on her own for a year, these girls stayed home their first 2 years and moved out for their junior/senior years.  That being said, they still live as if mommy and daddy are home with them and try to parent my child, often.

Imagine coming home to post-it notes on the AC because you have lowered it when you had a fever the night before, but the post-it note states in order to save electricity you can't do this.  Or.... you press a sandwich in the George Forman grill and don't clean it to someone else's expectations, so a post-it note states you need to do a better job (then the grill is removed from the kitchen and hidden so you can't use it).  Then you don't place the sponge in the sponge holder and someone tells you that it HAS to go back into the holder because that is the way it was done in their house. You get the point.

Last night after dinner, she comes home to one of the mother of one of them who drove all the way here to make sure her daughter gets some rest because my daughter is keeping them up all night with the her study groups, her boyfriend, flushing the toilet, brushing her hair, and breathing.  This woman screamed at my daughter at 1 a.m. and followed her around the apartment while my daughter was trying to escape.  She didn't call me because she was afraid I would leave my hotel and start a fight.  I can tell you that she was right! So, my daughter slept downstairs in her boyfriend's apartment (some battles are not the point right now, lol).  Well, she didn't sleep, she cried all night and then went to work at 6 this morning.

Needless to say, I spoke to said mother and she wouldn't let me get a word in edgewise, so I ended up losing my cool and yelled and then called her a name and then told her that the apple didn't fall far from the tree and she should be proud of raising a (same name) and then I hung up on her.  I was wrong, but it felt so good.  I also told her that my daughter will be moving out, along with the 4th girl that they treat like crap, so good luck and good riddance.  This news scared the lady because I also said I hope the 2 new roommates aren't serial killers.  She said that wasn't necessary, she didn't want anyone to move.  Oh, well too little too late.

So that is my awful story about the beginning of what is supposed to be a perfect dancing audition trip.  What would you do?

End of Semester Break Down #2

College girl called today and broke my heart.  She has always been so hard on herself regarding everything and the pressure of her second semester at college has caused that little girl to resurface.  The voice on the other end of the phone sounded like my little 10 year old crying because she had a fight with her best friend.
She has had a month of success beyond compare and one little grade on one test, has wiped the feeling of success and turned it into negative self talk.  She talked herself into a full blown panic attack during class, heart pounding, face numbing panic.  Her friend had to come get her from class.
All I could do was listen and try not to cry, this was not easy.  I wanted to hold her so badly so she would know the love behind my words.  I wanted to get in the car and drive to her.  I finally broke through the negativity and low self esteem for now.  I pray that she follows my advice, because I don't know if I can handle this every time a semester comes an end.
We hung up and I cried, a lot...  I thought of my OLW:  Release.  I don't know that I am ready to release her to the world.  I know that she is not ready to be released, I could clearly hear that in her words. The crying words of my oldest child called me mommy has left me broken today... the same day that our Lord and Savior left His mommy broken at the foot of the cross.  So yes, I am releasing this, I am leaving this at the foot of the cross because He will calm her during this storm.
This I know to be true... always.

Panic

I can honestly say that since Big Miss left for college in August, I haven't worried all that much (surprised?) until this past Thursday.  She was driving home from her new job and got a little lost, so she called me.  This is the hardest part of kids going away to college, they call you thinking you are going to help them and while you are acting strong, you are slowly dying inside.  I told her to use her GPS and call me when she got home.  I was at work, so I forgot about it and continued on with my day.
At 9 pm, hubby asks if I heard from her today because he texted her and hadn't heard back.  Instant. Heart. Pounding. Fear. Ensued.
I call, no answer... I text, no answer... I start wondering how I will get the news: do they call the local police to come to your house, am I going to hear from one of her new friends that I don't know, is a stranger going to find her phone and call me... you get the picture.
I remembered that I had her friend's number, so I texted her and it took 30 minutes to hear back from her that my Big Miss was sleeping!!!!! I then get a text from Big Miss saying "sorry, I knocked out when I got home" and that was it.
The next day when we spoke, she told me that I need to chill out and relax.  Does she not remember the crazy person who dropped her off in August and cried for weeks?  How can she forget the person who watched the clock her senior year and would twinge when her curfew came and went (even though she never came home more than 15 minutes late)?
I am seriously thinking about getting medicine for my anxiety about this whole college thing.  BECAUSE Little Miss has also decided that she too will leave the nest!!!!!

Where Did the Time Go?

This past month has been such a blessing!  Having Big Miss home with us over the holidays filled our home with peace.  I am still not use to this college thing, so I am saddened that she left yesterday to what she now calls "home".  In just a few short months away from us, she has grown into a beautiful young woman, inside and out.  The conversations we had are some of the best I have ever had.  The little girl came out every once in a while, like when she laid in bed with me and slept on my chest.  I still look at her and see my 4 year old little ballerina.  Her sister also spent a lot of quality time with her and that made my heart happy.
The hardest part this time is that she decided to take her car back to school with her.  My friends, this adds a whole other stress to the college situation.  My nerves were on end until I got the phone call that she was safe in her dorm.  
Mister Pink cried this time (he didn't when she left in August) because it was very hard to watch her drive away in her car.  It was like a commercial, but after a few hours the reality set in.  
Time passes so quickly, it slips through our hands like sand, and we can never get the time back.  So hold on to those memories in your heart and in your mind, it is the only thing we have.

In the Pink!

Big Miss is coming to visit this weekend, HOORAY!  What a great surprise, I can't wait to see her beautiful face and to spend some great mommy/daughter time with my girls.  Unless of course, her friends steal her away from me, LOL.  Even though we talk almost every day (we do tweet everyday), I still have a hole in my heart because I just can't walk into her room and peek in to see her.  I am so blessed that she chose Orlando, so we can see her more often than if she had packed her bags for the Big Apple.  Our family is heart happy that she is achieving her goals, but the hole can only be filled when she is safe and sound in these four walls of our home.

Big Miss and Little Miss at UCF Family Weekend

Ring, Ring..... Hi Mom...

You know when your phone rings in the middle of you teaching and it is your daughter from college, something must be wrong.  Here's how that conversation went today:


Me:  What's wrong?


Jess:  What are you doing?


Me:  Nothing, just teaching science.


Jess:  Oh, right now.


Me:  Yes, why????


Jess:  I missed a step coming out of the math building, fell down, someone picked me up, went to the clinic, and I have a badly sprained ankle.  Now I have crutches.


Me:  silence...... then, do you need me?


Jess:  No, I just wanted to tell you, call me back when you are done?


Me:  Ok, I love you.


Jess:  I love you too.


Now everyone, what do you think I was able to do for the next 2 hours of my day?  You got it, NOTHING!!  No science, no math, no nothing.  I couldn't wait for that clock to move.


Turns out she is fine, just very mad at herself and extremely frustrated.  She is in pain, hungry, tired, and pissed.  Her post on FB wasn't too happy, so I commented and said that I wish I was there to cook for her and make her feel better.  She of course commented back with a heartbreaking "me toooo".  


This too shall pass....