Can you believe that it has been a year since Big Miss went away to college? I can't, I really can't. This past weekend we once again moved her into her new digs, the digs that I said she could never, ever, ever live in. The end of her freshman year brought her out of dorm life and into a sub-lease on her friend's apartment for the summer. My big girl lived ALL BY HERSELF this summer and I died a little every single day! She moved out of her dorm and into this apartment by herself, who knew that she knew how to do such a thing.
As life would have it, her roommates did not "mature" as quickly as she did, so they decided that they would all live with other people for their sophomore year. My big miss found 2 new roommates (she happened to know them from high school, but they are a year older than she is) and she made the decision to move into off campus apartment housing. I say she made the decision because her father and I really had nothing to do with it. I vaguely remember this deal I made with her when she wanted to go away for college and it went something like this (disregard the grammatically incorrect dialogue):
"Mom, I want to go away for college" "What???? Um, no I don't think that is going to happen in my lifetime" "Why not? I am #5 in my class and have worked hard my whole life, I deserve this" (here is where I had no answer and we spent that summer traveling to colleges) "Mom, I got in to NYU" "Are you insane, NYU! I can't move to New York" "Mother, you are not moving, I am." "Oh, I forgot. Still we can't afford it, so whoever gives us the most money wins" (thank you UCF) "OK, you can go to UCF, but you must live on campus, ALWAYS" and that my friends, is history in the making.
She originally didn't need me to help her move this third time and then asked me to come up on Saturday, which I did, very quickly, LOL. Little Miss and I cleaned, sorted, unpacked, and cleaned. I built my first bookshelf ever, moved furniture, and got her bathroom set up. Walmart and Target hate me now, I think I overstayed my welcome in these fine establishments. I even got to sleep in her bed with her the very first night in her new place. We left her there on Sunday and it feels like a year never passed and my big girl has left home for the first time, again. I cry as I type, again. I miss her more than ever, again. I want my 3 year old ballerina, again. Is this what I have to look forward to, again and again and again...
A year doesn't make a difference, it makes it harder. I don't want to do this again next year when I have to say goodbye to Big Miss again and goodbye to Little Miss for the very first time. A year made a difference for my big girl, she moved from the comfort of her home with us, to a dorm with crazies all around, to an apartment all by herself, and finally to the place she will most likely call home for the rest of her college days.
Home, her home, not mine, not ours. I am crying, again.