The Day We Waited For Has Come, I Wish It Never Came.....

When my niece Emma was a baby, we all knew there was something different, no something special, about her.  All babies are special, but Emma had a way of entering your heart the minute you saw her and she never left that space.  As she grew older, that special ed teacher in me, knew, I just knew.  My own children knew, even my husband who never met anyone like her before, had questions.  My sister denied it all, but I know she knew.  Time passed, Emma grew more special each day.  She was placed in a co-teaching special ed Pre-K class and spent kindergarten in a resource class.  Diagnosis:  Developmentally and Speech Delayed.
Yesterday, the final report from the psychologist was placed in my sister's hands and the moment that I have waited for the past 6 years was here.  Diagnosis:  High Probability of Autism.  Nothing in my mind changed, Emma is the same little girl today that she was yesterday, and that is that.
My sister, however, cried for the very first time today.  No, I think she actually mourned the loss of the daughter she thought she might have, in order to make room for the daughter she has now.  I tried to reason with her, I tried to be the big sister for her, I tried.............. She only spoke about her failure as a mother, how Emma will never go to college, Emma will never fall in love, and the one that cut me to the core:  what happens if her, her husband, and Emma's brother die, who will take care of Emma?  I tried to stop this spiral from growing, but she needed to do this, she needed to voice these thoughts and tomorrow I will try to reason with her, again.  And if that doesn't work, I will keep trying.  Emma needs us, my sister needs us.... God will give us the strength we need.  God will guide us and God will be there for Emma when nobody else can.


Emma's Project

Emma is ready for her recital.


7 comments:

  1. She is precious. I know that there is a lot Emma won't do, a great deal she will miss out as well, but I know having taught several Autistic students, that Emma will view and experience the world in her very own way. That I feel may be more valuable to her than all the "normal" things we all experience.

    Writing this comment made me think of a VERY powerful movie I saw many years ago. It was called The Other Sister. Your sister should watch it. I think you should watch it with her because she will need you there. :)

    Thanks for sharing.

    Ms. M
    Ms.M's Blog
    A Teacher's Plan

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  2. Thank you for sharing your story. One more thing I forgot to share before. I have read that Autistic students have a profound impact of their classmates, making them more compassionate and kind. Another reason why kids like Emma are important and special.

    Ms. M
    Ms.M's Blog
    A Teacher's Plan

    ReplyDelete
  3. She is a beautiful little girl. I found this article.

    http://www.ketv.com/r/16334462/detail.html

    Autism hits very close to home for me. I just wanted to let you know that there is hope. Emma may not grow up to do everything her mom had envisioned but I strongly believe that she will grow up to do great things that surprises everyone! As with all people who have autism she may not be "well rounded" but what is so special about being "well rounded?" Was Beethoven well rounded? Einstein? Jane Goodall? :) Anyway, you and your sister's family are in my prayers!

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  4. Thank you both for sharing your love with me. The Other Sister is one of our all time favorite movies. I agree it is time for us to watch it again. I pray that my sister will see what we already know, that Emma will be successful and productive. I have so many students with autism who have passed through my door and have grown up to be wonderful adults. Thanks again for sharing your thoughts with me, I am blessed.

    Janine

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  5. Thank you for sharing this. I know how tough Autism can be, but y'all will make it through. Found you through Blogaholic!

    http://sweetteaserendipity.blogspot.com

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  6. Your sister is definitely in my prayers for strength and wisdom! ♥

    Somewhere With You

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  7. Cassie,
    You are definitely my angel of the day!

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