An old friend of mine called today to talk about our graduating daughters. After all these years growing up apart, our girls will be at the same college in the same dorm. Imagine that!
I cried uncontrollably after we hung up because today was a day when I did not want to let Jessica go, I want her to stay here with me so badly. I know it is selfish and I know I sound like an awful mom, but I love her so much, so very much. I was doing ok, until today. My friend is so supportive and has already been able to let go of her baby, how can she do it? Why can't I? I want nothing but the very best for her and yet, I want to hold her and never let go.
Today was not a good day.... Julianne walked in on me crying while I was trying to sweep the floor. She walked out because she knew, she just knew. I remember when Jessica started Kindergarten and I held Julianne out of preschool that year so I could spend one solid year alone with her, just like I did when Jessica was our first. Now I have the chance to spend the last 2 years of Julianne's high school life alone with her, while Jessica spreads those wings and flies away from her safe nest. This is a good thing, it really is. I will cherish these years with her and I will be happy and sad at the same time, but that is ok. It is part of the mommy package, holding it together while falling apart.
Today was not a good day, but there is always tomorrow.