Laughter, Tears, and Grandma

Christmas has come and gone... the new year is upon us in just a few short days.  This past week has brought both laughter and tears our way.  We laughed when my grandmother started reciting an old poem from her memory, out of nowhere.  She even spoke using intonation and a little girl voice, so innocent from years gone by.  She isn't the same at 92, let's face it, she isn't the same from just a week ago.  I see my grandmother in front of me, but I know that inside she has changed.  She speaks about seeing my grandfather soon and she keeps passing out jewelry to her grandchildren and great-grandchildren.  We take the pieces and we cherish them, just as she has done her whole life.  This is why we laugh through the tears, she is letting go, hoping that we too will be able to send her on her way.  I don't know if I am ready, but my prayers keep me safe at night and give me hope that acceptance will come.

My girls laugh when grandma talks about her youth.  It is hard to believe that she lived through 2 world wars and a  multitude of other events.  Things my girls and I have only learned about in books.  While we were waiting for Santa to come, she told us that women are always waiting.  Women sit and wait while the men are away at war.  We will never know if she is in our moment or in hers, so we go along for the ride.  And oh what a ride this is!

I love her to pieces and I fear that every passing day might be her last one with us.  Did I do everything I needed to do for her?  Have I told her that I love her?  I do, I do love her so very much.  Getting old has changed her, but inside I know my grandma is there.  We just have to look past the tears, the laughter, and the fear to see Grandma.